Oh, a knight in shining armor astride a white steed! Many a young girl's (or boy's) fantasy, but one few realize. And one must be careful not to necessarily trust a man who says his name is George.
This isn't St George in any case. It is St. Eustace. It is marked, Macedonian Monasteries 1860
and I guess that's right.
Prior to his conversion to Christianity, he was a Roman general named Placidus, who served the emperor Trajan. While hunting a stag in Tivoli near Rome, Placidus saw a vision of Jesus between the stag's antlers. He was immediately converted, had himself and his family baptized, and changed his name to Eustace (meaning "good fortune" or "fruitful"). A series of calamities followed to test his faith: his wealth was stolen; his servants died of a plague; when the family took a sea voyage, the ship's captain kidnapped Eustace's wife; and as Eustace crossed a river with his two sons, the children were taken away by a wolf and a lion. Like Job, Eustace lamented but did not lose his faith. He was then quickly restored to his former prestige and reunited with his family; but when he demonstrated his new faith by refusing to make a pagan sacrifice, the emperor, Hadrian, condemned Eustace, his wife, and his sons to be roasted to death inside a bronze statue of a bull or an ox, in the year AD 118.
executions--hangings, firing squads, electric chairs, that sort of thing. To cleanse this outrage, the people will demand DRAMA!
So, I'm recommending that the entire Bush family (I will allow that young Hispanic son of Jeb's to escape this verdict,) be roasted inside a giant bronze elephant. Can't you just hear Barbara Bush chiding Jenna as the temperature rises: "You little slut! You never were any good to the organization!"
I think the new World War II monument on the mall will be a good place to undertake the executions. For Neocon Night ®, I suggest we recreate St. Peter's martyrdom on Vatican Hill under Nero and crucify 500 of them upside down, then dip them in pitch and set them ablaze! The Jews should understand this sort of punishment!
And lest any of the new thought police try and claim this represents advocating violence against the ruling junta, may I state for the record, this is a new religious belief and covered under a different shred of the US Constitution. Call it Brazen!
Why would you spare Jeb?
ReplyDeleteIt's Jeb's son. The Spanish speaking one with the big teeth.
ReplyDeleteBecause I have special plans for me.
I wouldn't use the word "spared" either.
Oh ok.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure that all of Marvin's family frys in the elephant.
Of course that's Freudian--the "me" should read "him."
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm sorry, Marvin gets special handling, as all those connected with the towers will get.
ReplyDeleteI see a variation of the C.I.A. technique of dropping people out of airplanes over the ocean. I will call it the "Flaming Bird" treatment, after the school child who said, "Mommy, mommy, the birds are on fire!" misunderstanding the WTC jumpers.
But in this case, the selectee will be coated in a thermite mosturizer and set ablaze before being pushed overboard. Then, as he, or she, accelerates, they will burn hotter and faster. I want them to really crave hitting the water. Of course, the altitude will be high enough so that the G-force hitting water will equal that of hitting concrete from 110-story building. In other words: splat.
Are you OK with this? This is an area of immense potential human creativity and I don't claim a lock on inventiveness, just a grounding (ha, ha!) in appropriateness.